I wanted to say....

So I still have a few blogs to do before I should be blogging this one. But this is what is on my mind now, so this is what I'm going to blog. Writing/typing for theraputic reasons are more important than being organized at the moment. So bare with me, I do have to let you all know that this could be rated as PG-13. If you offend easily you are invited to stop here....unless your curious mind goes wild, read on, but don't forget, I did warn you of the things that would be mentioned :) A few months ago I had gotten sick, it just happens to be around my period that this happens. It's similar to the flu, where I am stuck in the bathrooms being a queen of my own throne, if you understand that :) It's happened each month consistently, needless to say a few weeks ago I was on Facebook like I have been faithfully, looking at answers that others answer about me. There was one that came up about me mooning others. I was profound that someone thought that I had. I was shocked. I said 0ut loud, "I have NEVER done that before in my life" anyways I decided to go back to my original thought, that this is a dumb game/quiz or whatever....which is, that these are created as a tool for Satan to work his magic. You know when someone says, "someone told me that....." and you automatically want to know who....Well then you click on who said it and you end up either angry or whatever at that person, whether they know you or not. This was one of those times....So I logged out, as I had decided that wasn't something I was going to entertain. As I went to go get my kids from my new friend Candy's I got there and was visiting with her in her room, I was telling her about my medical issues. I was telling her how I can't be to far from a bathroom. I was feeling fine while I was talking to her. Anyways, I felt the urge to go pee :) So I excused myself. When I was on the toilet I felt the most uncomfortable cramp and had leaned over, feeling like I might puke. The next thing I knew, was Candy calling my name and I was caught with my pants down around my knees, and I was laying on the floor in a ball. VERY embarrassing to say the least. I share this horrible nightmare of mine for a few reasons...one, to tell everyone that now I have mooned someone (not purposely however) and that my medical mishap has an outcome. I got home and she is still my dear friend. :) The next day I was trashed to say the least. I could barely stand. Jake came home from work and agreed to take me to the insta-care. I found out that I had blood in my urine, and a nasty UTI, and I was dehydrated. I was able to get antibiotics, and some pain meds. And a referal to an Urologist (that works directly with Jake, and he's LDS) and I also got an appointment with another DR (in our ward and is obviously LDS) for my depression, migraines, and my other issues... Long story short I found out through a CT scan that was meant to find Kidney stones that didn't exist, that I do however have a 5cm ovarian cyst....I was referred to Dr Oliver an OBGYN. I saw him today. My Ovarian cyst is not that at all....it was ultrasounded and found that it's mixed with blood. It's most likely an Endometrioma. similar to an ovarian cyst except this doesn't shrink or go away, in fact it gets bigger. Through other findings with blood work and such the out come is that I am going to be having a Hysterectomy, a bladder repair, and a hernia repair. These will all solve A LOT of problems. The endometriosis will no longer be a problem, the ovarian cyst that I keep pumping out will no longer be an issue, my periods won't be there (every 2 wks that last for about a week) and I won't be cramping and requiring pain meds, Ohh and there is a possiblity that my migraines may deminish. I would be able to get on a trampolene again in my life time, I would be able to laugh, sneeze, or cough without peeing my pants. and I will be able to do sit ups again without the pain of a hernia. I feel like I'm falling apart. There were also a few embarsing moments of today I wanted to bring to light. More so because I was too shy to say the things I was thinking out loud, and what better place to do that than a blog. I can make peoples jaws drop in shock, and I can also make other people realize that being a woman has it's Downs other than having children....I don't mean that in a negative way...I just meant medically. I'd love to see a man go through pregnancy and delivery. So as I got to Dr Olivers today I filled out paperwork, got weighed, blood pressure and was taken to Dr Olivers office....not an exam room (what a change) He was very cordial. in fact I thought he was very professional while we talked about my medical history. Of course because he works with my husband we talked about Jake also :) Then he explained that he would need to examine things and then we would talk more. He led me to "the dungeon" he gave me a paper gown....like that makes you feel modest right?? To make matters worse I'm sweating due to the nervousness that I'm feeling. Paper and sweat go great together by the way, especially when your paper gown is a light blue color. I noticed while I was waiting for him to come in that there was an ultrasound machine next to me with a "dildo" hanging from it, how convienent that it already have a condom on it, filled with lubricant. YEAH ME!!! I had NO idea I was going to be violated in more ways than one :) I also noticed the box of wipes sitting on the back table if you will....I couldn't help but think, wow at least I get something to help me feel "fresh" after I'm done being violated. Ohh, did I mention that I HATE these kind of appointments? Just in case no one caught that I HATE THEM. When Dr Oliver and his nurse came in I was shaking because I was so nervous. He listened to my lungs, my belly, then it was time to get felt up :) What would an appointment like this would be like without a breast exam. I mentioned that maybe he should get some pictures for his ceiling. He mentioned that he was thinking about some different tiles to get, that had pictures on them. Very thoughtful for sure. So then the Pap smear....Open up and say AWWWW. speculum that makes you feel like your being opened up like a Thanksgiving Turkey. Of course the Q tip that's about a mile and half long. Got to make sure that there's enough "specimen" to send to the lab, maybe it's possible it could touch my brain :). Then it was time to make sure the Ovarian Cyst was there in all it's glory. Now I know that there are more uses for condoms than to keep someone from getting pregnant....Interesting thought. We learned that there was blood in the cyst that now brings to light that it's not your tradition Ovarian Cyst. It's now a Endometrioma. Then it was time to check my Vaginal wall, make sure there weren't any thin spots from having 5 babies. Just to clue some men in out there if your reading this far (heaven forbid), it is possible for women to get violated in more than 1 way....to check the posterior wall aparently you have to check in other area's as well....you know check the other side of that wall. Man I had NO idea this was going to get so personal. To make it even better he assures me that he's nearly done. Of course the next thing I wanted to say was, "do you think we could have a smoke afterwards?" But I held back. Have you ever been intimate with a companion and here something like, "I'm almost done" just a thought. He then explained he needed a Sterile urine sample....of course the only way for that is going to be done is with a cathedar....so yep you guessed it. ALL HOLES were thoroughly checked :) I would think that if I had cancer it would be caught by now:) To top it all off I'm told while he's feeling my full bladder....I need to cough, then because he can't feel it, he asks me to stand...once again I held back, I wanted to say, "wow, maybe I should offer this position at home :)" but once again I held it back. I did however say, "what, do you want me to pee in your hand as I cough?" He said, " that's not the purpose, but don't feel bad if you do" well that makes me feel better. Either way, after that awesome examination I was finally done. I was once tempted to say something completely inappropriate. I wanted to say, "that will be $360.00 please." But I held back. I was able to put my clothes back on. After of course taking the chance to "freshin up" thank goodness for wipes that were provided. It was the closest feeling I was going to get that would be comparable to a spa at the moment :) So I took it. Once I was back in his office, we talked some more of what needed to be done and the hospital stay that would be required. The 6 weeks of recovery time, the hormones that I would be on after the hysterectomy, the end result, and then the next time. Before a surgery was set in my future there would be a bladder study. That was set up on the 2nd of February. He was booked out until the middle of April, I am apparently cool enough to be worked in. He's coming in on a normal day off. He wants me to be able to have relief from this "endometrioma" that is nearly the size of my uterus it self. I wasn't really going to argue. When that comes I'll share details or at least the outcome. Today was a horrible day. It was full of cramping, bleeding and just feeling sorry for my lonely self. Now would be the time for someone to come and volunteer to be with me through this traumatic ordeal, or at least through this surgery. 2 days in the hospital and 6 weeks of no holding babies, or picking up anything more than 5 lbs. How am I going to do this with 5 kids??? This is where my family would be stepping in, but I don't have any of that out here. I'm suppose to rely on my Ward family now. Which I'm very leary of doing. This is my personal life. My immediate family being left in the hands of women that I don't fully and whole kindheartedly trust yet. I don't know when yet, but man I would rather have my MOM....anyone want to kindly take her place??? PLEASE? I wanted to say a lot of things today, I wanted to have my mind put at ease today, but now that I know a surgery is in my near future, I just need to prepare for it and try to find resolutions to my concerns rather than problems. I hope that this is something that I haven't scared to many people with, but I wanted to say....