JUST A TREE??

This year seems to be a year that I'm very aware of where I am mentally. I didn't do so well last year. I can talk about it now because I'm not in that transit anymore. It was a year that I lost all sense of the meaning of control. My world seemed to be spinning out of control before I even realized it. I think my down moment was around the holidays when I was curled up in a ball in my closet crying for my mom. No one could help me. At least that's how it felt. I was in physical pain, from my periods and cysts,  I was having migraines daily, and I couldn't seem to get out of this mental down. I had convinced myself that anyone was better at the whole parenting thing than me. I would be doing everyone a favor if I had a way to go into hiding permanently.  I wouldn't get out of bed at all some days, but to go to the bathroom. I wouldn't shower for days on end. I was not OK. This season is harder for me. This is the season I lost my mom. It's been 11 years now. She was very sick during the holidays and she finally went back home the morning after Christmas. So to turn this season into a good thing has been a hard thing to do. This year I have taken to heart the little things that help me realize what is important. People have told me to do certain things to help with my depression up here in Alaska. I do suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. The lack of light is not a good thing. So my light is pulled out again and it is on for 30 min. Helps me be happy. On mornings I don't start with it, the kids will ask if I've had my Happy light yet, and they'll turn it on. Helps me A LOT. I take 10,000 IU's of Vitamin D. It's sold like hot cakes up here in stores. I also take B Complex, and Vitamin C. It all goes hand in hand. I stopped taking my depression medication and have resorted to just taking something for my anxiety attacks. Which has seemed to help. I've also taking the advice I got from people up here. They say to always be doing something. To get out as often as you can while the sun is out. Right now we have about 6 hours of daylight. Even then it's either gray and yucky and we never see the sun. Or it makes it's appearance barely just at the top of the mountains and doesn't go across the sky. Instead it makes a small C and goes back down. So what day light we see is more like a long sunset. I've put up Christmas way earlier than I usually do. More because I'm trying to avoid last year. The kids are the ones that decorated this year. I think they have done a fabulous job. This tree is what brings light into my day. It reminds me of why I plug along. It reminds me of what a great life I really do have. So the Christmas tree seems to be a must in our home for the holidays. It helps some of us cope. It helps us get excited for family time together. I'm truly grateful for my cheap fake Christmas tree....It's not JUST A TREE. It's is a lifeline for me.