The other day I got a call from my Dad. When he called Jake was on the phone with his mom, when he answered my dad's call he told my dad he was on the phone with his mom and wanted to see if I could call him back when he was done. Jake switched over and was concerned that something was truly wrong. He hung up the phone with his mom so that I could call back right away. I was expecting to hear something like: my brother Jared had died or something, or that someone got in a wreck and didn't live...I was preparing for some BAD NEWS. When I called, my dad asked when the surgery date for my
hysterectomy and such was. He told me that he felt that it was important that someone be there.VIRGINIA IS COMING!! . I'M SO RELIEVED, EXCITED, AND SAD all at the same time. RELIEVED: that I'll have family here other than Jake. EXCITED: To see Virginia, it's been over 6 months since I've seen her. She's going to be so shocked at how big the kids are. SAD: because this isn't the best of circumstances. It's not like we can go site seeing, or
ice skating at the lake down town...But either way, I think I'm relieved the most.....She called later that night to see if I could call the Dr's Office and get an idea of when the surgery would be. For her flight arrangements and such. When I called the next morning, things got moved around a bit, instead of the bladder study being done on the 2
nd, it was moved to the Friday the 29
th. It was a possibility that surgery could be on the 2
nd or 3rd instead of the 5
th. The nurse explained that Dr Oliver was needing to make sure that he had some "Robot" cases for Friday(yes, this is the same robot that Jake is trained on), so if that was the case he was wanting to do mine on the 2
nd or 3rd. So I moved the Bladder study to Friday, to make the 2
nd or 3rd an option. When Virginia called the next day we had decided the 4
th was the best day to come, if the surgery went on the 5
th she would be here the day before, and if the surgery was the 2
nd or 3rd she would miss the surgery but be here ultimately. With the OK from her boss for the time off, she will now be here on the 4
th. The hardest part about moving things up was that I didn't have all weekend to prepare for the violation, rape, study...whatever you want to call it. I woke up Friday morning sick to my stomach. I talked to Candy and joked that it would be great if she could come along, she didn't hesitate, she said, "OK" Jake couldn't be there and I had already mooned Candy (remember, I passed out in her bathroom...oops), and she still is my friend. So I went and picked her up. When we got there a bit early I thought that it would be possible that we may get right in. We didn't...but we had
uninterrupted adult conversation. While we were
uninterrupted. Last time I was there, and I was talking with him in his office there was a little boy that came walking down the hall that was obviously a patient....I looked at Dr. Oliver a tad bit confused.
Either Dr Oliver that is an
GYN SURGEON sees some
interesting things, especially on 7 or 8 year old little boys, or something was wrong with this picture. Dr. Oliver laughed, and then told me that he shares his office with some podiatrist (feet Dr's). He's not there in his office a lot of the week, so he can share the rent with other Dr's and it's more cost effective, or whatever....So When Candy and I were there, I had to take a picture. Notice the Exit sign...I thought that was appropriate. When it was "time" I got back to the room and to my surprise, this was making me shake in my boots. All the nervousness was catching up to me. I was given the awesome paper gown, drained my bladder, and ripped the purple paper gown up (on accident), every time I went to cover my bottom half, I was putting wholes in it. They kept ripping more each time I tried to adjust it....
I was actually trying to make a tramp skirt...I nearly accomplished it too :) My mom would have been proud. I learned a few things as we were getting ready....#1 I think I use humor as my nervous release. #2 I don't know that I would recommend getting your bladder repaired, this was rolling off the charts. I'm sure if I had Jake there, he would have been rolling his eyes at some of the things I was saying. I had Candy, Dr Oliver, and the nurse laughing. I wanted to take pics for blogging moments, and so that when I blogged this, I didn't have to try and explain things, you could see the
embarrassment for your self :) (No there isn't any crotch shots, I said this was PG-13 not R). Stop now if your scared to read on.....of course unless your nasty, dirty, curious mind is urging you to read on, then read on.....Anyways, When Dr. Oliver first came in, Candy and I got caught playing with the table that goes up and down. When we got caught I told him that he needed seat belts for that ride :) I got a new skirt, I mean paper towel, I mean paper blanket....what is that called anyways??? I know maybe they should call it a
humiliation sheet :) I'll have to think of something better than that....So as I lay back, this is what I see :)
Candy and I were talking about maybe a Where's Waldo Tile...or I spy....or simply something that wasn't just "a tile". The study had begun....violation/step #1. check to see how much urine was still in my bladder after I had "voided". violation/step #2. insert the "probe" into my bladder (
ohh by the way this is suppose to be smaller than the
catheter used to drain my bladder) OUCH!!! Violation/Step #3. tape it to the inner part of my leg, I'll go into more detail later why this is still a violation :) violation/step #4. Insert the
abdomen probe....YEAH, you probably guessed it...no I couldn't
swallow it. Now to go into a little detail why these are all part of the "study". The probe in my bladder will measure amount of fluid inside my bladder. The probe on the outside of my bladder will measure the outside activity, spasms, and what not of my bladder, the different measurements will tell him if my bladder is stable or not. If not, then surgery is not an option to repair or pull up my bladder neck. After 5 babies it can drop. After all is securely fastened we are ready for take off:)
Dr Oliver says, "now I need you to stand up and move to the toilet seat." I looked at him from between my legs and said, "your kidding right?" he laughed and said, "NOPE" So as I sit up I start to black out...I could feel the blood leaving my head. Him and his nurse were concerned that it hurt....nope, I just may show my butt again. So I introduced Candy to Dr Oliver and told him that I had already mooned her and she's still with me....I warned them that they all may be getting a show. But this time I would be having tubes and stuff hanging out. I took a few deep breaths, found my composure, then made my way to the "potty" had a seat and as he hooked me up to this,
I was reminded how fun this truly was....NOT!!! I looked at Candy and had to say
out loud, "Your turn is next" She said, "NO WAY". After hooking me all up to "the machine" He says...."Cough" then he tells me that he has to adjust the probe....as he "flushes the probe" as it is clogged with KY jelly and won't read with the Jelly in the way I get a preview of what if feels like to pee backwards :) I have to tell you all, that this was the weirdest sensation EVER....have you ever puked cold milk??? That's an odd sensation, this was even weirder than that. The closest thing I could resemble it to would be, getting an IV and the cold IV solution going in your vein...
imagine that when your "voiding" but backwards...
lol. Once we were all set. Dr Oliver "filled" my bladder with Saline. I was suppose to tell him how full my bladder was. Partially: If I were to go to the store I would go to the bathroom before I left, so I wouldn't need to use it there. Full: I'm watching a movie at home and I would rather pause the movie to go to the bathroom instead of holding it. VERY Full: I CAN'T HOLD ANOTHER DROP. Each time I would tell him where I was, the nurse would write down some numbers. After all that fun jazz was over he tells me that he and his nurse were going to leave the room so that I could "void". That was more of the sensation of puking cold milk. I was refilling the canister at the bottom of the potty with cold saline :). When Dr. Oliver and his nurse came back in he unhooked me from the machine and takes the cord and says, now if would come back over here.....I couldn't help but say, "wow, and I now have a leash" I don't know who laughed harder, Candy, the Dr, or his nurse. As I was climbing back up on the table he tells me that he was going to take everything out....I think he meant my bladder and maybe my back-end too....Aside from the
humiliation of everything going in, that was way worse...HOLY HELL!!! Then back to violation/step #3. When pulling this off it was similar to a wax. Have you ever heard that joke where the lady is getting ready for the
GYN appointment, but doesn't have time to shower, she she goes into the bathroom and uses a washcloth to "freshen up" but somehow it has her daughters glitter on the washcloth...the punch line is something like....The Dr thought it was his birthday with all the sparkles for celebration....anyways. I had joked around about spraying sparkles on, see if he noticed. If I would have done that I would have a funny looking art on my legs...sparkles/bald/red
rashes from RIPPING the tape off my legs. After I had the permission to get dressed and meet him in his office, we had finally discussed dates. As he was filling out the paper work he looks up and says, "do you smoke?" I couldnt' resist. I said, "No....well...sometimes after sex :)" I thought that he might land on the floor laughing. Surgery will be the 5
th, blood work and paper signing will be the 3rd, and I was given all my prescriptions before the surgery. He wanted me to be prepared for the pain and such afterwards. I will be on Estrogen for most of my life...I would be staying 2 nights, and there is a
possibility that I would be coming home with a
catheter. This was starting to sound so fun. It will take 6 weeks for recovery, the first 2 weeks I can't pick up anything that weighs more than a phone book, I can't drive for 2 weeks, due to the
possibility of popping stitches while I slammed on the breaks for some reason. At my 6 week check up I will have my hormones checked to make sure that the estrogen he gives me is working properly. So this week I will be getting frozen dinners prepared, laundry caught up, bathrooms cleaned, and kids prepared to be go elsewhere...Virginia will be here until the 14
th. I will be getting a blessing, mostly to calm my nerves. I'm having the chance to go to the temple this morning. I can't sleep due to all this on my brain....but look now there's another long PG-13 post.
Either Dr Oliver that is an GYN SURGEON sees some interesting things, especially on 7 or 8 year old little boys, or something was wrong with this picture. Dr. Oliver laughed, and then told me that he shares his office with some podiatrist (feet Dr's). He's not there in his office a lot of the week, so he can share the rent with other Dr's and it's more cost effective, or whatever....So When Candy and I were there, I had to take a picture. Notice the Exit sign...I thought that was appropriate. When it was "time" I got back to the room and to my surprise, this was making me shake in my boots. All the nervousness was catching up to me. I was given the awesome paper gown, drained my bladder, and ripped the purple paper gown up (on accident), every time I went to cover my bottom half, I was putting wholes in it. They kept ripping more each time I tried to adjust it....
I was actually trying to make a tramp skirt...I nearly accomplished it too :) My mom would have been proud. I learned a few things as we were getting ready....#1 I think I use humor as my nervous release. #2 I don't know that I would recommend getting your bladder repaired, this was rolling off the charts. I'm sure if I had Jake there, he would have been rolling his eyes at some of the things I was saying. I had Candy, Dr Oliver, and the nurse laughing. I wanted to take pics for blogging moments, and so that when I blogged this, I didn't have to try and explain things, you could see the embarrassment for your self :) (No there isn't any crotch shots, I said this was PG-13 not R). Stop now if your scared to read on.....of course unless your nasty, dirty, curious mind is urging you to read on, then read on.....Anyways, When Dr. Oliver first came in, Candy and I got caught playing with the table that goes up and down. When we got caught I told him that he needed seat belts for that ride :) I got a new skirt, I mean paper towel, I mean paper blanket....what is that called anyways??? I know maybe they should call it a humiliation sheet :) I'll have to think of something better than that....So as I lay back, this is what I see :) 
Candy and I were talking about maybe a Where's Waldo Tile...or I spy....or simply something that wasn't just "a tile". The study had begun....violation/step #1. check to see how much urine was still in my bladder after I had "voided". violation/step #2. insert the "probe" into my bladder (ohh by the way this is suppose to be smaller than the catheter used to drain my bladder) OUCH!!! Violation/Step #3. tape it to the inner part of my leg, I'll go into more detail later why this is still a violation :) violation/step #4. Insert the abdomen probe....YEAH, you probably guessed it...no I couldn't swallow it. Now to go into a little detail why these are all part of the "study". The probe in my bladder will measure amount of fluid inside my bladder. The probe on the outside of my bladder will measure the outside activity, spasms, and what not of my bladder, the different measurements will tell him if my bladder is stable or not. If not, then surgery is not an option to repair or pull up my bladder neck. After 5 babies it can drop. After all is securely fastened we are ready for take off:) 
Dr Oliver says, "now I need you to stand up and move to the toilet seat." I looked at him from between my legs and said, "your kidding right?" he laughed and said, "NOPE" So as I sit up I start to black out...I could feel the blood leaving my head. Him and his nurse were concerned that it hurt....nope, I just may show my butt again. So I introduced Candy to Dr Oliver and told him that I had already mooned her and she's still with me....I warned them that they all may be getting a show. But this time I would be having tubes and stuff hanging out. I took a few deep breaths, found my composure, then made my way to the "potty" had a seat and as he hooked me up to this, 
I was reminded how fun this truly was....NOT!!! I looked at Candy and had to say out loud, "Your turn is next" She said, "NO WAY". After hooking me all up to "the machine" He says...."Cough" then he tells me that he has to adjust the probe....as he "flushes the probe" as it is clogged with KY jelly and won't read with the Jelly in the way I get a preview of what if feels like to pee backwards :) I have to tell you all, that this was the weirdest sensation EVER....have you ever puked cold milk??? That's an odd sensation, this was even weirder than that. The closest thing I could resemble it to would be, getting an IV and the cold IV solution going in your vein...imagine that when your "voiding" but backwards...lol. Once we were all set. Dr Oliver "filled" my bladder with Saline. I was suppose to tell him how full my bladder was. Partially: If I were to go to the store I would go to the bathroom before I left, so I wouldn't need to use it there. Full: I'm watching a movie at home and I would rather pause the movie to go to the bathroom instead of holding it. VERY Full: I CAN'T HOLD ANOTHER DROP. Each time I would tell him where I was, the nurse would write down some numbers. After all that fun jazz was over he tells me that he and his nurse were going to leave the room so that I could "void". That was more of the sensation of puking cold milk. I was refilling the canister at the bottom of the potty with cold saline :). When Dr. Oliver and his nurse came back in he unhooked me from the machine and takes the cord and says, now if would come back over here.....I couldn't help but say, "wow, and I now have a leash" I don't know who laughed harder, Candy, the Dr, or his nurse. As I was climbing back up on the table he tells me that he was going to take everything out....I think he meant my bladder and maybe my back-end too....Aside from the humiliation of everything going in, that was way worse...HOLY HELL!!! Then back to violation/step #3. When pulling this off it was similar to a wax. Have you ever heard that joke where the lady is getting ready for the GYN appointment, but doesn't have time to shower, she she goes into the bathroom and uses a washcloth to "freshen up" but somehow it has her daughters glitter on the washcloth...the punch line is something like....The Dr thought it was his birthday with all the sparkles for celebration....anyways. I had joked around about spraying sparkles on, see if he noticed. If I would have done that I would have a funny looking art on my legs...sparkles/bald/red rashes from RIPPING the tape off my legs. After I had the permission to get dressed and meet him in his office, we had finally discussed dates. As he was filling out the paper work he looks up and says, "do you smoke?" I couldnt' resist. I said, "No....well...sometimes after sex :)" I thought that he might land on the floor laughing. Surgery will be the 5th, blood work and paper signing will be the 3rd, and I was given all my prescriptions before the surgery. He wanted me to be prepared for the pain and such afterwards. I will be on Estrogen for most of my life...I would be staying 2 nights, and there is a possibility that I would be coming home with a catheter. This was starting to sound so fun. It will take 6 weeks for recovery, the first 2 weeks I can't pick up anything that weighs more than a phone book, I can't drive for 2 weeks, due to the possibility of popping stitches while I slammed on the breaks for some reason. At my 6 week check up I will have my hormones checked to make sure that the estrogen he gives me is working properly. So this week I will be getting frozen dinners prepared, laundry caught up, bathrooms cleaned, and kids prepared to be go elsewhere...Virginia will be here until the 14th. I will be getting a blessing, mostly to calm my nerves. I'm having the chance to go to the temple this morning. I can't sleep due to all this on my brain....but look now there's another long PG-13 post.
9 comments:
Wow. What a "study". Yes, I definitely think you use humor as a nervous release--and your humor really gets people laughing.
I am looking forward to being there. Don't worry about no ice skating or sight seeing for me. I am looking forward to simply spending time with you and your family. Besides, won't it be dark almost all the time? Ha. See you soon. Love ya!
Ty, you'll be in my prayers in the next few weeks. Ugh, it's just gross what you are going through...hang in there.
I'm praying for you...hang in there.
"I think I use humor as my nervous release."
Oh, yeah? I couldn't tell. :)
I think would have been huddled in a ball, crying like a little girl and yelling, "I'm not doing it and you can't make me!!" For real.
Send your kids over if you need to! And how about whenever I get the urge to bake for the next two weeks, I drop some by your house, yeah? (No arguing!)
It's me-not Ken-man I wish he would just stay away from MY computer!
Why do I feel so violated just reading that? I just realized I was curled up hugging myself trying to get the icky off. You poor thing...if I can't even read it without feeling gross, then you must be traumatized. Your good humor is a blessing. I'm glad you had a friend with you, and that Virginia will be coming. I know that is such a relief to you. I'll be thinking and praying for you next week.
Oh boy. Glad you have a sense of humor about it. I know it's to calm your nerves. But funny stuff girl. You could so be a comedian. You would make bank!!! I'll be praying for you and know I love ya and wish I could be there with you. I'm glad Virginia is coming to "mommy" you. :)
What an ordeal!! You are the brave one. I'll be praying for you too.
Ty, I just barely read your upcoming surgery. I've been hit-and-miss in reading blog entries for the past month and I'm SO very sorry about all of the health problems you've been dealing with. These doctor appointments sound like medieval torture chambers. You are SO strong to deal with this. You'll be in my prayers and I will be praying that all will go perfectly and that this will resolve all of the physical problems you've been facing. You're courage and humor are amazing!
poor thing, i,ve been there and done that ! good luck ill pray for you
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